8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
