Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
