The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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