she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
