You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
