Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
