Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I would fuck him just for his dog
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
