here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
