Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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