You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
