yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
