Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
