just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
