I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
