I can text with my tongue
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
