I think i peed on brittanys purse
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
