remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
