I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
