you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
