Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
