Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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