Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
