just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
