I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
