Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
