I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
