he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
do herpes really smell.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
