But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
