i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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