forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i was born a porn star she said
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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