I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
should my penis look like a turkey
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
