At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
