It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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