Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
