I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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