I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
