gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Randomize
