Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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