for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
