she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
