I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
