Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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