im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
