I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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