If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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