I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got inside last night via doggy door
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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