So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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