i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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