This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
