I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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