Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
