I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is wine microwaveable?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
