I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
