Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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