How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
