Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
